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Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening, by Robert J. Meyers
Ebook Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening, by Robert J. Meyers
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Review
"With a map, directions, and the family in the driver's seat, Get Your Loved One Sober is an important book for any family affected by alcohol abuse."--Claudia Black, PhD, author of It Will Never Happen to Me"For decades it was believed that there was nothing one could do to help substance-abusing loved ones until they hit bottom or that heavy-handed confrontational tactics were necessary. Bob Meyers has developed a remarkably effective and gentle method for working through family members and concerned significant others to help their 'unmotivated' loved ones get into treatment. It is no longer necessary to feel helpless and hopeless. This book offers clear and practical advice based on solid scientific research."--William R. Miller, PhD, distinguished professor of psychology and psychiatry and author of Motivational Interviewing"Get Your Loved One Sober is an outstanding resource for persons dealing with loved ones who refuse to get help for their substance abuse problem. Years of research show that the approach described in this book works. I highly recommend it."--Timothy O'Farrell, PhD, chief of the Families and Addiction Program, Harvard Medical School, Department of Psychiatry'If you feel like your life is out of control because of someone else's substance abuse, this book will put you in the driver's seat with research-based strategies that can make life infinitely better--for you and your loved one. Get Your Loved One Sober fills a void for everyday people as well as professionals who feel helpless and hopeless concerning substance abusers in their lives. Clearly written and engaging, this book can move you from feeling like a passive victim to becoming an empowered, active player in helping a loved one overcome a drinking problem."--Anne M. Fletcher, MS, RD, LD, author of Sober for Good: New Solutions for Drinking Problems--Advice from Those Who Have Succeeded and recipient of the Research Society on Alcoholism Journalism Award"Lucid and clear, this book will help those who love an addicted person find the practical steps they need to take to facilitate change. I recommend it highly."--Thomas Bien, PhD, coauthor of Mindful Recovery and Finding the Center Within
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About the Author
Robert J. Meyers, PhD, is an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of New Mexico. He is also the Associate Director of the Clinical Research Branch of the Center on Alcoholism Substance Abuse and Addictions (CASAA). CASAA is internationally known for its excellence in substance abuse research and treatment development. Dr. Meyers has worked in the substance abuse field for over 27 years and has published several books and dozens of articles. Brenda L. Wolfe, PhD, is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in the treatment of eating disorders, substance abuse, and post-traumatic stress. In addition to her busy private practice, Dr. Wolfe is involved in research collaborations at the University of New Mexico, serves as a corporate consultant for the development of psychologically based services, and is active in various professional organizations. Her books and articles have appeared in both the popular and professional press.
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Product details
Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing; 1st edition (December 12, 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9781592850815
ISBN-13: 978-1592850815
ASIN: 1592850812
Product Dimensions:
5.4 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.2 out of 5 stars
120 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#45,953 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
If your drinker comes home once or twice a year acting silly after the office party, this book might be for you. If you have a loved one with a serious drinking problem, who is often drunk and angry or belligerent, this book is insulting. Asking someone who is drowning while trying to keep the house and family going in spite of the daily hassles of life with an alcoholic is disingenuous at best; who has the time to sit down and think of alternate plans (creating detours and maps in the book) to make the drinker's life easier? Better yet--why should you? I found this book to denigrate the non-drinking spouse; putting on some lingerie and promising a wild romp in the sack if he stays sober? Why does the non-drinker have to lower him-or herself to trading sex for good behavior? Changing plans and acting like the drinking isn't hurting anyone? Nope. If the drinker behaves poorly he or she needs to know about it. At the end of the book, I was discouraged and perhaps even a bit depressed that the suggestion was that I bend to the point of breaking in an attempt to make a loved one's life so easy that he miraculously decides that being sober is better than being drunk. If we are to believe that alcoholism is a disease, then the entire premise of this book--that alcoholics make a choice to behave better and not drink when we make their lives easier--is wrong. All I see for the non-drinker, based on the content of this book, is a life of constantly trying to re-think every move/word/suggestion they make to the drinker. It's a strategy that will burn out the non-drinker, the person who recognizes that he or she needs help and stupidly bought this book thinking they might find something valuable. Save yourself and save yourself the money you would have spent on this book.
I'm not sure where I'd be without this tool. In 2014 I decided to finally get help for myself, I started attending a family support group that uses the CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) method, this book is what they teach from. This book taught me that in order for my loved one to change I needed to change. Yeah I found out the that yelling, screaming and nagging weren't really effective (doh). I also learned it was Okay and necessary to take care of myself. I can't thank Dr. Robert Meyer's enough for this book. I'm don't yell or scream anymore and have a lot more peace in my life now. I know without a doubt this book helped me and I truly believe that my loved one benefitted immensely from this method. My daughter got herself into treatment and with our support free of yelling, screaming and nagging she has been in recovery for over a year now and now I'm a facilitator of the same family support group I received help from.If you looking for help to get your loved one sober this is the book for you. I buy these book 5 or so a time and give them away to friends that are struggling with a substance use disorder.
The problem that most people experience when trying to get their loved one sober is that they keep trying the same tactics over and over again without success. All their nagging, pleading, bargaining, and threatening is usually counterproductive. They must find a new approach. In their book, "Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening", authors Robert J. Meyers and Brenda L. Wolf have developed a program called CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) that uses "supportive and non-confrontational methods to engage the substance abuser in treatment." CRAFT is a program for the significant other, usually a spouse living with the substance abuser. CRAFT teaches them to improve their own lives regardless of whether the addict enters treatment or not. Meyers and Wolf claim to have a higher success rate than Al-Anon and the Johnson Institute's traditional method of intervention. Some of their useful advice includes: ~ Identify triggers, signs of drinking, and consequences of use. ~ Develop a roadmap for dealing with triggers, signs, and consequences. ~ Do not take responsibility for the drinker's behavior. ~ Change your reaction to their drinking behavior with a number of tools. ~ Stop fixing their messes and allow them to experience the consequences. ~ Attempt to offer a more rewarding activity than drinking (good luck with this one). ~ Speak to them using "I" statements instead of "You" statements. ~ Have treatment already lined up for when they are ready. ~ Know that lapses and mistakes are a natural part of life and are to be expected in a process of change. They also make one important point: "If there is one overriding 'fact' in the world of behavior change, it is that people who record important information about their lives are the people most likely to succeed in making important changes in their lives." So Meyers and Wolf encourage you top keep a journal of these activities and the results. And remember that the winners in life see problems as opportunities.David Allan ReevesAuthor of "Running Away From Me"
Absolutely terrible in my opinion. I've been reading loads of books on the subject of alcoholism and also on the side of a loved one and how to cope. This practically makes the loved one (me) feel like they should walk around on eggshells and accept everything their alcoholic partner throws at them. I can't take this book seriously, at all. In my personal case, every time I've told my boyfriend that we shouldn't talk about certain things when he's drunk and we should wait for a better time, he goes mental and practically follows me around trying to get a rise out of me and start an argument. The book doesn't reach those levels and seem to focus more on shiny happy alcoholics, rather than the Jekyll and Hyde of Binge Drinking Alcohol Abuse. I read precisely 48% of the book and if it wasn't on my Kindle, I would have happily thrown it in the trash. I'm sure it may work for some, but I see it as unrealistic and also putting yet even more stress and pressure on the loved one, who might already be at their wits end.
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